What are/did people do with their toddlers when they went to pick up baby #2. I feel very torn. What I know right now is our little girl, her needs, fears, and therefore she is in my mindset. I’m looking out for her best interests right now. When we went to a seminar put on my MoT almost a year ago, the SW strongly recommended not having other children present for the meeting of child #2. But how could I leave her home for a month? And could we really prevail on family members to care for her for a month? Maybe I should just say to myself not to worry, this one is well attached, loved and has had our undivided attention for 2+ years, now it’s time for us to focus on the needs of the new baby. But I can’t seem to do that. I don’t know the new baby. I feel like babies are so much more adaptable than our little drama queen. Maybe that’s not fair. She will be fine. I want this to be a very positive experience for her. She is SO excited.
What we’re thinking of doing is going over there just the dh (dear husband) and I, and have my parents bring the pancake over about 2 weeks in. That way she will not be exposed to the stress (and risks?) of travel to SA for too long, yet she will be included in the bringing together of our family. We will all travel home together then at the end of our time there.
I’m worried if we don’t bring her that she will be VERY miffed if we arrive home with a baby taking up all our time after having been away for a MONTH.
Is it too much to ask my parents to travel 24 hours with a toddler?
Should she be there for the beginning of the trip and we send her home early with the dh?
What if the new baby is a nightmare in the night and disturbs everybody’s sleep and we wish the pancake was safely at home in her own bed?
Do I wish my Mom was going to be there when we get the baby and when dh has to travel to Johannesburg to go the court and leave me? Will he have to?
Any thoughts? Wisdom?
We’re bringing our daughter along, but with the Grandma to help us! I couldn’t bear to leave her at home a whole month. I don’t know if Grandma will stay the whole time, but even the first couple of weeks, till we get into a routine with #2 would be awesome.
Hope you can figure out what you want to do! I think we’re pretty close to the same timelines…..we just celebrated 3 months waiting.
I was just reading your blog, we’re having parallel lives right now, we just got our letter a couple of weeks ago asking for M’s PR card, and we also just passed the 3 month waiting mark for our referral. So you think fall/winter? I am thinking sooner.
Just to give you a heart attack! I love that post about the kijiji call from teh Gov. of Sask.!
Ha! Maybe we’ll be travel buddies
Are you on the Yahoo Families from SA board?
Yep – we’re on the board… but don’t really post very much. But I try and stay up to date.
Hi, I came across your blog randomly and have been so blessed to read that you are adopting from South Africa. I am originally from Toronto but have been living in Johannesburg for 7 years now, helping to run a home for abandoned babies. Although I have not had to do it myself, I have given many families with older children a child and think it would be a great idea for your oldest to be there when you get the baby. If she is not there, she may be very confused when she finally does see you again and mom and dad suddenly have a new baby but if she is there for the placement, she will understand everything that is going on. some things that we do to help the older siblings adjust is that we let them come into the other room first and meet the younger sibling before mom and dad do. They often bring a little toy and give it to the baby. This also makes them feel very grown up and they often go running back to tell mom and dad that the baby is coming! Some are too shy and so they stay with mom and dad. We also give the older siblings a gift from the new baby. Kids love gifts and also feel very special to have some attention on them.
Obviously you know your daughter best and what will be best for her but I just thought I would share some ideas on how we do our placements. Good luck with your expanding family!!
Hi,
I’m just reading your blog for the first time. We have been waiting since last January and it’s just been easier to block out anyone adopting for awhile to make the time go faster to be totally honest. I’m wondering what the yahoo board is that you are talking about we’ve never heard about it??? I’ve been wondering all the exact same things about travel as you. I can’t bear to leave our 5 and 7yr. olds at home, it’s too long. We are thinking either bring them with the grandparents to help or get the grandparents to bring them halfway. I just feel awful about asking them to travel for 24hours with them tho. What to do? What to do??